Kitchententenomiks
by katskee
Summary: Want to learn how to make the best chicken curry for the one you love? Then don't ask Tenten for tips. [NejiTen oneshot]


**Kitchententenomiks**

The brows of the 15-year old kunoichi were knitted, concentration imprinted on her sweaty face. She was carefully measuring the curry powder on a teaspoon, while occasionally glancing at the cookbook beside her. She heard her stoic teammate yawn, and she didn't have to look behind her to see that Hyuuga Neji could already die in boredom. She decided to ignore him and concentrated on what she was doing. Her nose wrinkled when some of the powder tickled her nostrils, and she failed to suppress and loud "Achoo!"

"Are your viruses the secret ingredient of that?" sneered Neji, who was sitting with all the poise in the world at the kitchen counter. Tenten glared at him with passion.

"Yes, 'cause I want this personalized so I'm showering it with my overflowing tender-loving care," she snapped.

Neji grimaced and rolled his white orbs, obviously irritated because of extreme hunger. Well, his gastric juices had been drilling his stomach walls for hours. But of course, he would first gnaw the empty ceramic plate in front of him before admitting it to the kunai master.

But Tenten was not dense and she knew what the laconic shinobi was feeling. She still felt guilty because it was her fault in the first place why Neji hadn't have his lunch yet. Still, it was hard to sympathize with him when her tummy was already yelling curses at her because of starvation. She stared lazily at the cooking utensils and various ingredients in front of her, and she couldn't help but wish to undo the silliness she did ten minutes ago…

* * *

**:flashback:**

"_Is this a miracle, the Hyuuga Neji actually bringing a packed lunch? What's this, a run-away-from-home drama?" teased Tenten as she watched Neji picked a small package under the tree, which they informally appointed to be the bodyguard of their belongings. It was already noon so they stopped their sparring session for a precious lunch break._

"_Idiot, they are having a general cleaning at the mansion today and I know I cannot eat peacefully there," he replied nonchalantly, hating to imagine that if he decided to eat at the Hyuuga mansion he would be swallowing a mouthful of dust instead. Tenten chucked silently. _

_The presence of their hyper teammate Rock Lee and the equally hyper, if not more hyper Gai-sensei was missing that day. The Godaime summoned their teacher to discuss their next mission, and when Lee realized that it was a chance to catch a glimpse of his beloved Sakura he immediately proposed to escort his number one idol there. Thus leaving Neji and Tenten to train with each other. _

_Neji opened his neatly wrapped packed lunch which his super sweet cousin prepared for him. If he was Naruto maybe he was already drooling, what with the delicious food laying in front of his tired eyes and grumbling stomach, but he wasn't. He was Hyuuga Neji – elite, emotionless, refined, and had a reputation to live up to. He whispered an inaudible and lifeless "Itadakimasu" to himself, then grabbed his chopsticks to start his meal. Tenten, on the other hand, was preparing to leave. Her humble home was just a few minutes walk away and she would just have her lunch there. _

"_So, see you later then," she muttered while removing the dirt on her pants, "or if you want you can just bring that in my place – at least you'll avail free water."_

"_Nah, you go ahead, I'm already sitting comfortably here," refused Neji, and Tenten just shrugged. But when she was about to walk away she noticed suspicious movements in the bushes behind Neji. He didn't seem to notice because he was too busy munching his shrimp. When the movements got wilder Tenten reached for her kunai and, without hesitation, threw it on the target. At that same instant Neji stood up, finally sensing the movements behind him. Wrong timing, because instead of the target it was Neji's lunch that was hit by Tenten's sharp kunai. Before Neji could save his nourishment it was already too late, his food was already more attracted to the gravitational pull of the earth than to his calloused hands. _

_It seemed that everything happened in slow motion. Tenten gaped at the wasted lunch – her heart stopping momentarily because of the great fear conquering her entire body. There was an eerie silence, when all of a sudden a stray dog jumped out of the bushes – which was, by the way, the source of the suspicious movements – and hungrily devoured Neji's food. The Hyuuga gave the dog a piercing glare, and Tenten thought that if her teammate went out of order he would certainly eat the greedy dog instead as the alternative for his already gone shrimp. _

"_A-anou, er, N-Neji," she stammered, careful not to spill anything stupid. She knew that the wrath of hungry people were bloodcurdling. Neji didn't even look up, feeling that even fidgeting a little would release all the chakra in his body. Tenten took a careful step backwards, frightened that the young Hyuuga would suddenly ran amok. Yet she had to fix this mess so she set aside her plans to save her dear life for a moment. _

"_G-gomen, I-I r-really didn't mean t-to do th-that. I promise!" she frantically searched her mind for something witty to say but her brain cells betrayed her and decided to rest at that very moment. When she realized that any explanation was hopeless, she gave up. She moved towards Neji and concentrated every bits of sincerity on her kawaii face. "Gomen." _

_Neji looked at her for a fleeting moment and sighed. Was there anything to be angry about when his cute teammate looked at him like that? Tenten noticed that the tension had somewhat subsided so she told him her offer, "I'll just replace your lunch. Let's go in my place, I'll cook for you." _

_The boy looked up, as if seriously considering the offer, and then asked, "Do you have a landline?"_

_Tenten looked at him quizzically, unable to decide whether to take that as an insult or just as an innocent inquiry, "O-of course, why do you ask?"_

"_So I can call the hospital, I'll tell them to reserve an ambulance for me," and then he broke into a nasty grin. The eyes of the kunoichi narrowed dangerously. "I have a list of contact numbers of funeral parlors, why don't you call them instead?" she said through gritted teeth while picking her exceptionally sharp kunai. Neji knew that it would be too dangerous to throw more jokes so he just followed Tenten on her way home._

**:end of flashback:**

* * *

"Will you do me a favor and remind me again of what is it that you're cooking?" asked Neji while eyeing the meat beside Tenten with disgust. Tenten followed the direction of his eyes and she frowned when she saw the ground chicken. "Chicken curry," she replied tartly and she was not surprise to see her teammate let out an exasperated sigh. She just lost herself in enjoyment while chopping the chicken and forgot that she only had to cut them into strips and not to mince them. 

"Let's just pray that it will still taste like chicken," said the Byakugan-user sarcastically.

"Of course it will! This is still chicken you idiot! Don't you know the difference between physical and chemical change?" she retorted. "And besides, it's, er, it's my style!"

"Oh really…" said Neji, cackling. "Will it still take long?"

"No dear, it's almost done. Just five years more."

"Good, then my life will be prolonged."

Tenten glared at Neji, who smirked arrogantly in return. She prayed to all gods to bless her with more patience and she continued with her cooking. Neji watched the seething girl with great amusement. Even when angry, Tenten was as cute as ever. Maybe she was not capable of being uncute.

"Tenten, why don't I just do the cooking so we can both live longer lives?" he suggested with an air of mock innocence.

The kunoichi rolled her eyes, and shut them for a few seconds before she answered, this time her hazel eyes glinting with forced excitement, "Oh, Neji, I got it! I finally knew your darkest secret! Let me guess, you're not a coffee-drinker, are you?"

"How did you know?" he asked, surprised at the sudden change of topic.

"Because you're incapable of feeling nervous, conceited jerk!" she barked angrily. "There's an instant coffee over there so start drinking now. I'm already acquiring pneumonia here because you never fail to be a great airhead."

"I can't, my taste buds don't want any coffee but Starbucks."

"Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Too much corn is bad for your humor, Neji-sama."

"I should say the same to you," Neji leered and Tenten turned around to face him this time, wearing a sardonic smile on her face and a matching deadly glare. But Neji didn't let himself be intimidated so he smirked back. Teasing Tenten surely was the best way to kill time.

Just then Tenten's stomach groaned, making Neji chuckle. Her tummy was already protesting. She couldn't afford to waste more time so she shifted her attention back to cooking. She took the flour and mixed it with juice. She sneezed again – she seemed allergic to anything powdery today. Finally, this was already the last mixture and she only had to wait for three more minutes and the food would be ready.

She walked over to where her rice cooker was located and brought it near the table. "Can you take out a pitcher of water, please?" she asked Neji diplomatically. He heeded without any comment, and he also reached for two drinking glasses. When he had placed the pitcher and glasses on the table he then scanned Tenten's cupboard with his Byakugan.

"Sorry but no souvenirs to take home with you," scorned Tenten when she caught Neji staring at her closed cupboard.

"I'm just checking if you have an antidote for food poisoning. It's still better to have something for first aid you know."

"Lucky you, you have lots to choose from. We have Racumin, Baygon and Raid (1). All of them are effective. Which one do you prefer?"

"Maybe I'll just have a kiss from my princess," he beamed sweetly at her and the kunoichi blushed. Darn, was Hyuuga Neji actually seducing her?

"Regressing back to childhood now, aren't we? When did you get addicted to fairy tales?" And before she let her mind wander to other things she turned off the stove. At last, they could already eat!

"There, my payment for your wasted lunch," she said while serving the curry. She took her apron off before settling on the seat beside Neji, who was surveying his curry with his Byakugan. Tenten tried to remain composed and she inwardly congratulated herself for successfully restraining her hands from smacking the hot curry on Neji's gorgeous face. After about a minute of inspection Neji tried the product of the girl's hardwork.

"Tenten..."

'Oh, suddenly speechless now, huh? Is it THAT tasty?" she asked hopefully. "So what's my grade, E for 'Excellent' or O for 'Outstanding'?" But Neji put his spoon down, a bad sign. _F for 'Failed' is even too high_, he thought.

"T."

"T?" she asked confoundedly. She remembered reading something like this in a Harry Potter book. "T for Tensai (2)?"

"No. T for 'Terrible, you actually call this food? Sorry but you have no talent at all'."

Steam came out from Tenten's ears, "Go to hell, you arrogant git!"

"How much curry powder did you put here anyway?"

"Umm," she pondered for a moment, trying to remember how much exactly, "thirteen teaspoons."

"THIRTEEN TEASPOONS? Are you going to drown me with curry powder?"

"But that's what the cook book says!" she snapped, grabbing the cook book fiercely. "See, one-three! As in thirteen teas- eh?" She stared in horror as a small piece of hair beside the number three fell down on the floor, realizing that she mistook it for number one. Oh no, it was a conspiracy to sabotage her!

Neji seemed to read her mind. "Don't you ever argue that the stupid cook book played a trick on you," he said coolly. Tenten couldn't believe that she had done a stupid mistake, but she was determined to show Neji that her chicken curry was still fit for human consumption.

"So what! It's only ten teaspoon over!" Neji snorted at this remark, but Tenten would never admit defeat. She grabbed her own spoon at started digging in. Because of the mounting fury welling inside her it was already after a few mouthfuls that the taste registered in her tastebuds. She almost passed out when the awful taste hit her. Neji handed her a glass of water with a triumphant smirk plastered on his handsome face. Tenten drank the water in one gulp.

"So, you finally realized that your curry tasted like a sample of water from Dead Sea?" Tenten let that insult pass, the dreadful taste still sticking in her tongue. She ran to the lavatory and spitted, while her other hand reached for the toothpaste. She put some on her tongue to counter the taste. Good thing it was effective. She drank more water to completely eliminate all the remaining traces of the curry from her tongue. Shit, eating that food (if it could pass as one) was almost suicidal. Then her stomach grumbled again. She groaned, her eyes almost turning Byakugan-white because of tremendous hunger. What would they eat now?

"If you want you could just eat the rice, looks like your rice cooker is talented in cooking rice anyway," consoled Neji scathingly. Tenten didn't have enough strength to retort so she just sat back on her chair, her eyes drooping in hunger. The Hyuuga couldn't help but feel pity for the famished girl beside him. She looked like she was facing doomsday, the bags beneath her eyes starting to look darker, and Neji didn't even have the heart to tease her some more.

When suddenly, the doorbell rang. "Ichiraku Ramen delivery!" the delivery boy shouted jovially. Tenten was surprised, _whose delivery was that_? But Neji seemed to be already expecting this. He went to the doorway, collected the ramens and paid for it.

Tenten could only stare in disbelief as Neji pushed a bowl of hot delicious ramen to her. "Eat first and save your litany later," he said calmly while enjoying his ramen. And because Tenten was so hungry she followed her friend's advice, and they ate their ramens in silence.

When they had already sipped the last drop of their ramen soup Tenten threw the question she had been dreading to ask, "When did you order this?"

"Half an hour ago. Do you think that's quite slow?" replied Neji, but that was not what Tenten wanted to know.

"You do have a plan to order ramens in the first place, why did you have to let me cook?"

"As if I know you want to stop cooking."

For the nth time Tenten rolled her eyes, then she stared at her wasted chicken curry. "My culinary skills are hopeless," she sounded really disheartened, as if this was the greatest dilemma she had ever encountered. Neji just looked at the wall in front of him with boredom. "Maybe I'll stay as an old maid in the future," Tenten clamped her mouth shut, even she was surprised to blurt that one loud. That made Neji hoot loudly. Tenten just ignored him, not wanting to get more embarrassed, and continued her monologue, "And nowadays it's really tough, now that the ratio of girls to boys is 7:1."

"7:1? The last time I checked it was only 3:1!"

Tenten sighed. "Neji, are you born yesterday? Of course not everyone who has XY chromosomes are 'real' men. Gays are rampant these days. So the three girls that are supposed to be reserved for those transvestites were given to real men. Plus these 'ex-men' also go after the almost extinct male specie. Now do the math."

"Yeah, I get it," he replied thoughtfully. She got a point there.

"And another thing," continued Tenten, "I'm not really stunningly beautiful, only unbelievably cute. What should I do now?" She even chuckled at her own dramatic outburst. Neji just stared at her with a blank expression, and Tenten's face looked serious again. He remained silent although deep inside he knew he had to correct her. She was both stunningly beautiful and unbelievably cute, didn't she know that?

There was an awkward pause, then Tenten broke the deafening silence with a deep sigh. "I'm too young to be thinking about such things," she said more to herself than to Neji. "It's too early to lose hope anyway, there's still a lot of time to hone my cooking talent!" she exclaimed confidently, making a mental note to download the Cooking Master Boy episodes (3) in BitTorrent for tips.

"The problem is, is there a talent that you can hone?" Neji snapped again.

Tenten's eyes looked murderous again. "You're too talkative today, bro. It's good that you're practicing your conversational skills from time to time but unfortunately I'm always the target of your stupid cracks."

"That's because I don't have my antidote yet."

"Antidote?" Tenten wondered what the young Hyuuga meant but he didn't give her enough time to think about it, because in a fraction of a second his lips were already hovering over hers. Tenten was shocked at the unexpected action of her teammate, and before she could push him away (reflexively of course) Neji had already deepened the kiss, sweetly and passionately. Blood rushed on Tenten's face, and Neji could even feel the heat she was radiating.

After a few seconds Neji pulled away. Tenten stared at him, surprise written all over her face. "Haven't I told you that a kiss from my princess is my antidote against your curry?" he smiled lovingly at her making Tenten blush harder. Was this still a part of Neji's pranks?

"Y-you're so mean! I didn't cook a poison you know! Y-you're not lying dead on the floor with a frothing mouth, right? A-and when did I became your princess anyway?" her voice dropped at her last question, and she could already melt in humiliation.

"So you don't want to be one?" he asked, and Tenten was sure she noted a tinge of panic in his voice. "I know how to cook, so you don't have to worry about that when we're married."

"MARRIED!" she looked at him incredulously. "You're not even my boyfriend yet and you're talking about marrying me? You're too excited!"

"Well I can be your boyfriend at this very minute if you want to," he replied coolly.

Tenten wanted to faint. This Neji sitting beside her had got to be a bunshin, but something was telling her that this was the real Hyuuga Neji. She touched Neji's forehead, checking his temperature. "It looks like you're in perfect health, but why are you so weird today? You only ate a small amount of my curry, right?"

Neji sighed and took her hand. "Do you really hate me Tenten?" he asked her seriously, his tone that of someone begging for dear life. Tenten was confused, did he assume she could think rationally now that he trapped her hand tenderly between his? She stared at his beautiful eyes, eyes filled with sincerity. They looked really scared if she answered 'yes' to his question. She couldn't help but smile. "You already harassed me so do I have any other options?" she joked. Neji let out the breath he was unconsciously holding, and pulled Tenten closer to him.

"Baka," he laughed softly. His hands caressed her soft cheeks, tickling Tenten. He stared seriously at her then whispered, "I really love you Tenten. Seriously. I swear." His words were filled with all the affection he had for her. He felt that keeping them secret for too long would kill him. He already fell hard for his princess and he knew he would die of heartbreak if she wouldn't catch him.

"I can't blame you if you prefer cute girls. But you're pretty lucky, 'cause I have a soft spot for handsome guys who treats me with ramen," she smiled sweetly. Neji's heart almost melted when he saw that.

"So, should I start making plans for our wedding?" he asked, unable to contain his excitement.

"Not yet, I'll just check if Sasuke will treat me to Ichiraku tomorrow." Neji's face darkened, his face almost bursting in jealousy. "Hey, cool down! I'm just joking!"

Looking like a child deprived of his lollipop, Neji leaned closer to her again to catch her soft lips. Tenten was slightly taken aback, and her face turned a bright shade of red again. Neji could feel her blushing, loving her more. This kawaii weapon master was really addictive. When he broke the kiss to get some air he said, "I'll have another kiss then, so we'll be quits."

"You're really unbelievable. Asking permission after doing it."

"It's your fault. You're so cute, I can't resist it."

Tenten just smiled, and caught a glimpse of the clock. It was already quarter to two. "Our lunch break was extended for too long, let's resume our training," said Tenten while cleaning up the table.

"Oh, don't throw the curry."

"Huh? Why?"

"I'll bring it home."

"What's this… a keepsake of our first kiss?"

"No, I'll suggest it to use as rat killer in our house." Tenten punched his cheeks quite forcefully, and she glared dangerously at him.

"It's too early for our training," Neji remimded her fuming 'fiancee'. Tenten stuck out her tongue at him before she turned to wash the dishes. Neji stared lovingly at her slender back. He never expected that a dreadful serving of chicken curry would lead him to the heart of this charming girl. So what if she didn't know how to cook, she could always do the dishes anyway.

Amidst the occasional clattering of bowls and spoons he could hear her humming a song whose title escaped him. She was the perfect wife for him, and she was the only one he wanted. His lips broke into a dreamy smile. He knew right there and then that in at least three years time, she would be the next extension of the Hyuuga clan.

* * *

(1) Racumin, Raid and Baygon are brands of rat and cockroach killer. 

(2) Tensai is the Japanese word for 'Genius' (I just put it for those who might not know, though I doubt there is any -.-)

(3) Cooking Master Boy is an anime and manga series about (surprise!) cooking. This series is pretty good and engaging, and I recommend it. But I'm not really sure if you can download it in BitTorrent.

This fic is originally written in Filipino, but I translated it for the wider audience to read. If any Pinoy is interested in the original version then just email me. I think this fic is rather pointless, but I hope some people will still enjoy it.


End file.
